Mike And Sandra - A Love Story

On the day I met Mike, we connected on Facebook after a mutual friend recommended his artistry to me. I was eager to meet him. At that time, I was modeling frequently and sought an artist who could assist me with modeling and body painting. We had an enjoyable day together, and after completing my project, we became more intimate than I had anticipated; we immediately connected. We bonded over music, particularly the *St. Anger* album by Metallica, which I found surprising given that most of my acquaintances disliked it. Mike was sensitive and kind. He was never intimidating; he was simply a creative and affectionate soul. This was evident from right from the beginning and remained consistent throughout our relationship.

After some cuddling, Mike invited me to a party to introduce me to his friends. When the party concluded, he asked me to be his girlfriend, which felt like the most enchanting union of my life. Mike and I spent a considerable amount of time creating music and collaborating on intriguing art projects. We frequently resided at each other’s homes, and our lives gradually intertwined. We hosted numerous barbecues and parties where numerous individuals met and developed enduring friendships and partnerships.

I vividly recall a party where we had distinct musical and entertainment options in each room of our house. We enjoyed preparing meals, snacks, desserts, and more for our friends. We cherished our outings together and attended concerts, particularly those featuring our favorite bands: Metallica, Mike’s preferred group, and Megadeth, my own.

Mike and I shared a fondness for cats and created playful nicknames for each other: “Min” and “Mow,” and occasionally “Minamow” or “Mowmina.” We were highly playful. Mike embraced my admiration for Courtney Love. We once attended a concert where we presented her with flowers. After the performance, we had the opportunity to meet her, and she expressed her utmost appreciation for us. What a memorable day!

Throughout our relationship, we encountered various challenges. One notable incident occurred at a party when I made an insensitive remark that caused awkwardness. A suggestion to watch “Ghostbusters” prompted me to ask if it was the DVD belonged to a friend who had vented to me that the DVD was stolen by this particular group of people. The host clarified that it was not, leading to a tense exchange and everyone in the room was staring at me. I just shouldn't have said anything. "Why did I say that out loud?" "Why is everyone staring at me?" I was so embarrassed but kind of annoyed at the same time. It seemed that these people definitely stole my friend's DVD. I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to their parties anymore but I loved Mikey so much it was tough thing to say. I knew feeling this way would come off as controlling. I just wanted to be surrounded by honest and honorable people. This incident contributed to a growing animosity between us, exacerbated by Mike’s ex-girlfriend’s subsequent disdain for me.

During Thanksgiving with his parents, my shyness and picky eating habits resulted in limited consumption of food at their home. Despite my efforts to be polite and expressing my gratitude to his parents upon our departure the weirdness ensued. While his father was cordial, his mother disregarded me and instructed Mike to say "hello" to his ex-girlfriend, expressing her fondness for her and how she missed her. Feeling hurt and neglected, I kind of stormed off. As I walked home, tears streamed down my face as I contemplated the reasons behind my mistreatment. "Was it because of my stupid comment at that party a few weeks earlier?" "Was I in the twilight zone?" “Was it because I didn’t eat their ham?” I wondered, recalling my aversion to the dish. This self-doubt intensified my feelings of inadequacy. Once again, it was crucial to recognize that these were not Mike’s actions. He genuinely cared for me. Why did I place such emphasis on the opinions of others?

Mike consistently treated me with love and respect, referring to me as his “Mrs. Cloudy.” He attempted to gently help me with my organizational skills, emphasizing the importance of placing everything in its designated location. While I still grapple with these concepts, I acknowledge his efforts to enhance my abilities.

We actively participated in political and social activism, particularly during the BP oil spill. In response, we initiated a “Boycott BP” campaign. We placed "Boycott BP" stickers everywhere that we could. Mike relished taking on such initiatives, and I found great enjoyment in collaborating with him. Our partnership exemplified a harmonious blend of love and purpose. Our shared leftist ideals and hippie philosophy created an aura of enchantment and unity in our lives.

A few years into our relationship, we organized a memorable winter trip to New York City to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and visit Strawberry Fields to honor the anniversary of John Lennon’s passing. We brought along about eight friends, sneaking some blackberry brandy and joints. That night, Mike asked me to marry him. He didn’t have an engagement ring at the time, but I happily accepted. He later bought me a humble yet beautiful white gold and black diamond ring. Jewelry has never meant much to me, so it wasn’t significant that he proposed without one.

Our engagement had its ups and downs. We threw a large party to celebrate, attended by many of our friends and family. On that day, Mike presented me with the black diamond ring in front of everyone, making it feel like a storybook fantasy. Even that day, he faced a challenge—getting a flat tire and needing a ride from a friend—but we still had a great time dancing to "Promises" by Megadeth. Now, the song holds an eerie new meaning for me; the lyrics to the chorus say, “I will meet you in the next life, I promise you. Where we can be together, I promise you. I will wait till then in heaven, I promise you. I promise, I promise.”

We received various gifts at our engagement party, and most of them are still in my home today. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I have many of his homemade gadgets here, and a lot of our kitchenware was chosen together. Our selections were very ornate, over-the-top, and colorful. My band uses one of his five-string bass guitars, which was one of the guitars we bought together as a couple to embody our vision of true love and artistry.

After that magical moment, we gradually returned to reality. Mike started facing tougher times and struggled to hold down a job due to personal demons and bad habits. These financial issues and challenges took a toll on our relationship, and we began to bicker. Eventually, I encouraged him to downsize and move in with me and my family.

We loved living together, but my family started to put a strain on our relationship. We began to consider an exit plan. Fortunately, we found solace in a friend who wanted us to room with her, which would only cost $125 more per month. We were excited about this opportunity and started making our move.

However, shortly after we moved into our new apartment, Mike found himself on unemployment almost right away. He struggled with personal demons at work that he couldn't control. He collected unemployment benefits and managed to find another job within a few months. Unfortunately, he was only able to keep that job for a few weeks before those same demons resurfaced and took over again.

This situation was particularly scary for me because it was my first time living on my own, and I often worried about where the money would come from. I had a small piano teaching job, but I wasn’t sure I could support us on that income alone. A few years later, I became financially stable enough to support a family of three, but back then, that kind of stability felt like a distant dream.

While Mike was on unemployment for the second time, I tried to encourage him to enroll in art shows and galleries. He sold paintings at many of these events, and I always felt he should pursue an artistic career. I believed it would be worth the effort, even though it required a lot of work to keep producing and moving his art. Unfortunately, he often lacked the confidence and ambition to enter these events, which made me feel deeply sorry for him. He had so much talent.

One day, I confided in my cousin about the struggles we were facing. The ongoing bickering took a toll on us, primarily revolving around money and responsibility. The magic we once shared had been diminished by financial stress, which felt contradictory to our identities as “starving artists.” Yet, we needed a roof over our heads. Returning to my mom’s house was not an option, and Mike’s mom seemed eager to have him move back in with her, which I felt was primarily because she didn’t like me and wanted to help him out.

I shared all of this with my cousin, who then took Mike out to a Starbucks and told him to move all his stuff out of my house while I was at work because I no longer loved him. When I eventually saw Mike, I sought answers. We had a horrible argument on that last day. He believed my cousin and was hurt that I had shared so much with a family member. He was angry, and our argument escalated into an all-out brawl, which was never characteristic of our relationship.

I tried my best to win him back. For an entire month, I left a love note and a craft beer on his doorstep every day. The last time I left him a special beer, he came out and told me he couldn’t take me back and that I didn’t need to keep leaving beer for him. I told him I would always love him, and he replied that he would always love me, too. After that, I walked away and drove home, and I never saw him again.

Following our breakup, I went down a path of self-destruction. I didn’t resort to drugs or anything of that sort; instead, I tried to find the same magic in just any man, hoping that someone would have me. I cut off all my long, beautiful hair, I needed to downsize my life and my room, which was brutal for me. My roommate, who became quite obsessive-compulsive, made me often feel like I couldn't go home. I worked very hard but was starving all the time, never having enough money for food or socializing.

I started spending time with a different crowd because half of my friends no longer cared to see me after I moved away. I began shutting off my emotions and focused solely on survival. Over the next few months, I met various people, including my ex-husband, Ray. He was the complete opposite of Mike: a jock, a “man’s man,” and a Republican. Our values didn’t align at all, but I thought that was perfect. I believed being with someone so different from Mike would make him jealous, and I acted like a naive little girl.

When I say I rushed into this relationship and marriage, I truly mean it. I married Ray on the same day that Mike and I had originally planned to get married. I was so hurt by the end of my relationship with Mike that I couldn’t see what I was doing, even though everyone around me could. I was signing my life away to someone I barely knew, driven by a desire to get back at Mike and make him jealous. Unfortunately, I soon became a victim of severe domestic violence.

In the midst of all this, I became pregnant with my son, Johnny. I survived hell and gave birth to my child. Afterward, I snapped a photo of myself holding my new son and sent it to Mike, who wished me "nothing but happiness." I did this in a slight moment of bitterness. I thought to myself that I was sending him that photo to show him that I finally had the baby that we never got to have together, hoping to hurt his feelings. It was a pathetic move.

Despite everything, I cherished my time with my son and eventually secured an affordable home of my own. I learned the value of hard work while supporting a family of three. A few years into my abusive relationship with Ray, I found the strength to leave him and take my son with me. Now, I do everything I can to help victims of domestic violence, and I am genuinely grateful to Mike, despite all the horrors I faced.

I have grown so much stronger than I ever was before. I have a beautiful child and friends and family who love me deeply. If Mike had not let me go, I would still be a weak, small-minded girl. You should never want to start a new relationship just to hurt someone. I can’t explain why I acted so foolishly and messed up back then; my heart was so broken that I made poor choices in an attempt to feel better and survive the worst mental trauma I could face. Mike was my first true love, and he was gone forever. I was so blinded by it all.

I am truly grateful for the life lessons that this entire experience has taught me. I will continue to advocate for my fellow victims of domestic violence and spread messages of love, joy, and art in Mike’s name. I will keep checking in on my friends, hoping they are happy and well. I will smile at others to brighten their day.

Over the past few years, I have heard that Mike has shared some positive stories about our time together, which made me happy. I hope he would be proud of me today and the progress I have made in my life. I hope he knew how much I have grown.

Becoming a mother changed everything for me, even altering some of my political beliefs. I have transformed my identity in a significant way. With Mike, I left “Sandy” behind. Today, I am “Rose.”

If I could talk to Mike today, I would sincerely apologize for sharing our private matters with my cousin. I also want to express my regret for rushing into a new relationship all those years ago just to spite him. I realize now that I was foolish and unhealthy back then. When I heard that he said that if he had married me that we would have kids by now, I wish I could have responded, “Yes, Mikey, we would have had kids, and you would have been a better father than Ray. They would have had blonde hair and blue eyes, just like you.” I regret that we didn’t make it. I regret that he didn't make it and I hope he can finally rest in peace. I’m sorry I never had the chance to say goodbye or share a laugh about how silly and in love we once were.

In lieu of flowers please donate to Mike’s sister Toby’s care plan. Here is the link to Mike’s obituary. All of the information to donate is there. https://www.scanlanfuneral.com/obituaries/Michael-Felber?obId=34242008